U.S.A. Tour Diary – What a Long Strange Trip it’s Been.
Whilst i’m at it, I must also thank you, the reader of this diary, and everyone else who came out to see us on this tour and made it as amazing as it was for let’s face it, without you, the whole thing would have been pointless!
I don’t think it could come as any surprise when I tell you that we are absolutely shattered. We swing wildly between bouts of manic energy and paralysing lethargy. It’s the kind of fatigue that has become so deep rooted that it’s going to take more than a good nights sleep to shake off. Add to that the fact that I forget where I am and have no idea what day of the week it is and you can see that it’s probably time we went home to reset and assume some sense of normality. I don’t want this to come across as a complaint. Everything about this tour has been incredible and tackling this gigantic country was always going to involve a lot of hard work but, like I imagine a marathon runner as the finish line comes into view would feel an elated sense of relief. There are already plans for us to return to the States more than once this year and I’m already looking forward to this but it’s definitely time for a little breather – I’m knackered!
U.S.A. Tour Diary – Somewhere in California…
As we discovered in San Diego, when you lose all front of house sound and lights halfway through a show, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. We were performing at a listeners party for KPRI. The venue was a room that reminded me a little of my old school assembly hall except that my old school assembly hall didn’t have a courtyard outside with a fountain in the middle and hummingbirds busying themselves around hibiscus blossoms, drinking their sweet nectar. Anyway, we were two verses into “Midnight Black” when suddenly, out went the lights and the p.a. fell silent. The backline was still working so we ploughed on, hoping for power to be restored. It wasn’t and, strangely enough, the more we carried on regardless, the more the crowd went crazy. All we could really do next was to attempt an off-mic version of Chinese Lanterns. This went down a storm and as if on cue, the power was restored just before we reached the middle eight, allowing us to finish the song full band. The place went mental. It couldn’t have gone any better if we’d planned it and, once the crowd were on our side, the rest of the show was amazing. There’s nothing like it when you’re playing a gig and you feel like the crowd are right there with you. It’s like crack. Every show we play, we’re trying to arrive at that point so we can get our fix. We definitely got our fix in San Diego.
U.S.A. Tour Diary – Ants!
We spend our time in the van in different ways. Some of us might binge-watch a tv series to while away the hours. Sometimes the constant hum of the van might lull you into a snooze. Sometimes we learn about a place we’ve been or are travelling to, or sometimes we’ll get stuck into a debate on important matters such as “The ultimate toasted sandwich”. Earlier on this drive we attempted to remember all the places we’ve been on this tour in chronological order, and any notable events that took place there. This took some impressive powers of recall and killed at least two hours!
U.S.A. Tour Diary – Quantum Leap
Myself, Luke, Paul and Iain Graham have just returned from Del Mar Lanes in Houston, Texas. Along with shuffleboard, table tennis and frisbee, 10 pin bowling has now become a favourite pastime of the Temperance Movement touring party. Our hotel in Houston is not downtown but 30 minutes out and surrounded by freeways. A large Mexican seafood restaurant, a laundrette (which has proved itself very useful) and a fuel station are our neighbours but it’s pretty much concrete and billboards as far as the eye can see. We had caught the bowling bug two nights previously in Orlando (I’ll come to this later) and, as there was no show tonight, we looked up the nearest bowling lanes. We were rewarded with a no-frills, time-warp of a bowling centre that looked like it was strait out of the Big Lebowski. It was absolutely brilliant! Once we’d collected our special shoes and were shown to our lane, we noticed that the room seemed to be segregated by ability. One half of the room was buzzing with activity. All lanes over that side were crammed with mostly men brandishing their own custom made balls, one dude even sporting a single bowling glove like a ten-pin loving Michael Jackson. They hurled balls down the oiled lanes with practiced confidence and the sound of resin smashing into wood echoed around the building. On the other side of the room, taking up one solitary lane, was us. It was as though the occupants of the other side were worried that they may somehow, by proximity, contract an inability to bowl. There seems to be a certain amount of superstition in bowling. I noticed some kissing of balls (fnar, fnar!), and little rituals adopted to get into “the zone” so perhaps it’s generally considered wise in bowling circles to stay well clear of people who are shit at bowling i.e. us – we were bowling lepers! Thankfully, a couple of guys were brave enough to wander over to our side of the room. In a friendly gesture, they first advised us that it would work financially in our favour, if we purchased a bucket of beers instead of buying them singularly. This led to further conversation at which point I asked one of them outright, “So, how do we bowl?”
So, as I mentioned previously, it was our last visit to Orlando that sparked this bowling obsession. We’d hopped on an airplane to do some radio promo after our stint in New Orleans. We were collected from the airport by our radio plugger Howard, and, after a huge feast of meat at a Turkish grill, ended up at an AMF bowling centre just a stones throw from our hotel. Howard, being the affable and modest guy that he is, played down his bowling talents on the walk to the lanes but once there, absolutely destroyed us. Whilst we flailed about, trying to keep the ball out of the gutter, Howard became Roy Munson from “Kingpin” scoring strike after strike. We should have suspected he had bowling talent after he revealed to us that his grandmother had, only the previous week, scored 190 – not bad for an octogenarian. He was from bowling stock! Howard was most pleased that night to have beaten her score and was looking forward to calling up Grandma to gloat. Now that we’ve been receiving coaching from our mate Ron, we’re looking forward to a rematch with Howard and kicking his ass. Get ready Howard, it’s on!
Phew! I’m beginning to know how Marty McFly felt.
U.S.A Tour Diary – Texas blowout!
Just as we crossed the state line into Louisiana, the heavens opened unleashing a torrent of rain of such biblical proportion that at one point, the car in front became almost invisible as if it had been swallowed by the deluge. As this was happening, jagged arteries of lightning lit up the sky overhead – Thor was having a tantrum. “Are we in a disaster movie?” came Iain Graham’s comment from the back seat.
We’d left Gulfport that morning to continue our 1200 mile journey to Austin. Looking back on the two days of driving, it’s as though they’d never happened and we’d been in some kind of semi-hypnotic state for the duration of the journey then snapped out of it the moment we stepped on Texan turf.
We’d all been excited about Austin. Not only would we have an unprecedented two days off but we’d be in one of the coolest cities in America. Our home for the duration was an ultra cool apartment with rooftop terrace and full length windows overlooking downtown Austin that Mr Graham, our capable tour manager, found on Air B&B. it worked out way cheaper than hotels and was far more enjoyable. Just around the corner were cool bars and a multitude of food trucks. There are over a 1000 of these in Austin and, unlike the late night kebab vans in the uk that occasionally seem like a good idea once alcohol has suitably impaired your judgement, these establishments offer some of the finest food in the city. Anything from BBQ to Mexican to Creole can found and the best of them can attract long lines of customers. They provided much of the catering for our visit.
Everyone in the band found different ways to entertain themselves in Austin. As well as catching up on sleep and doing laundry, we all got to explore and discover the city a little. I hired a bicycle on our second day there and set off in the direction of Barton Springs, a designated spring fed swimming spot along Barton Creek. It was a beautiful hot day and I’d worked up quite a sweat by the time I got there. Plunging into the pool was glorious, it felt like swimming in Evian and despite the initial cold shock, was the perfect temperature for awakening the senses.
I’d made an appointment for a massage later in the day – I occasionally have one to iron out the knots and kinks that accumulate during a tour. The only appointment I could find was situated to the North of the city. I was in the south. I arrived at Austin Sports Massage red faced and out of breath, looking like I’d just completed a triathlon – which I kind of had as I’d also been for a jog earlier that morning. An hour later, feeling suitably tenderised, I was back on the bike and tearing down Guadalupe St to get to Congress bridge before dusk. The reason for the deadline was not that my bicycle might turn into a pumpkin but that at sundown each day, 1.5 million bats take off from the bridge and this was something I didn’t want to miss. I made it with time to spare and joined the large crowd gathering to witness the mass flight. Apparently, the cloud of bats that forms is so large that it is picked up by local weather radar. When the little flittermice decided to emerge it began first as a steady stream followed by a raging torrent of flapping and squeaking. A magic carpet of bats shot by underfoot and seemed as though it would never end. If it had been 10,000 bats I would have still been impressed but 1.5 million was fucking mental!
The following day, i needed to experience what all the fuss over BBQ was about so I headed to the LA Barbeque truck. Much research was done into the best Barbecue in town and the name that topped all lists was Franklins. I had jogged past it on the previous morning as I was out testing my new running shoes and at 9.30 in the morning there was a huge line of people waiting outside – it looked like the launch of a new iphone. People had bought chairs and coolers and apparently start queuing at about 8 in the morning – Franklins doesn’t even open until 11.00, hence why I headed to La Barbeque. Surely no rack of ribs is that good? I’d read that La Barbecue was run by a former chef from Franklins, it had received rave reviews and the lines weren’t quite so long. When i arrived with Ian Graham, a strict vegetarian with no interest in barbecue, the line was still pretty long and it was a good 45 minutes before I found myself at the window ordering meat by weight. I had 3/4 lb of ribs and 1/4 lb of beef brisket with a side of chipotle slaw and I have to say it was the best barbecue I’ve ever eaten. I’m glad I didn’t order more as my stomach would have protested but if any of you get to Austin and don’t fancy camping outside Franklins for 3 hours, LA Barbecue is a good bet.
It was great to get back onstage that night and I think we all felt revitalised after two days of Texas food and sunshine. At one point during Paul’s solo at the end of “Pride”, Phil came dancing over to me, shaking his tambourine and shouting “We’re on our summer holidays!” It did feel that way
So, following the gig, we had a two and a half hour drive to Houston, where we’d stay before an early rise to get to New Orleans. An hour and a half into the drive as I was dozing behind the drivers seat, I was woken by a strange squealing noise and a juddering of the van. It had to happen sooner or later – the tyre had exploded!
Paul was driving and said it was such an odd noise that at first he thought we’d hit a pelican or something and he’d looked in the mirror expecting to see a load of feathers.
Now, changing a wheel on a car is relatively easy. Changing a wheel on a 3 1/2 tonne mercedes sprinter in the pitch dark at the side of a highway is a slightly different challenge especially when the back is full of heavy equipment. Using our phones as torches, we first located the jack and the spare wheel before unloading all the gear onto the side of the highway behind the van. By the time it was all out, it was strewn along the side of the road like a yard sale. We loosened the wheel nuts and began jacking up the vehicle. The jack was being very temperamental and would reach a point beyond which it would stubbornly refuse to go higher even though it wasn’t at full height. We wrestled it to a point at which we could remove the wheel with the spectacularly shredded tyre but realised we would be unable to get the new wheel on unless we could get the jack to go higher. It was at this point that further disaster struck.
Rule number 1 – When changing a wheel on a vehicle, first apply the handbrake!
Unfortunately this rather important rule had been overlooked and as the van rolled rolled forwards off the jack in slow motion we could only stand by helplessly and look on in horror. The van make an awful groaning noise as if it had suddenly acknowledged it’s impending doom but by some miracle the jack wedged itself against the spare wheel which was basically only leaning against the axle and the tyre prevented the van from bottoming out. I’m not sure how we got away with this. By the laws of physics we should have been looking at an undriveable van and probably a missed show in New Orleans. In short, we would have been fucked, but with our history of vehicular malfunction, we’ve always managed to come out smiling. As we had just finished loading all the equipment into the van, a police car pulled up alongside us and seeing that we had the situation under control (if only she’d known) drove off again. We hopped back in and drove to our beds in Houston feeling that, once again, we’d cheated disaster and conquered adversity. We’re unstoppable!
We’re now in New Orleans. Let’s see what adventures she has in store for us…
U.S.A. Tour Diary – Columbia to Orlando
We’re on our way to Austin, Texas, 1,000 miles away from Orlando, Florida where we played last night. We’ll hit Austin tomorrow night around dinner time but tonight our beds will be somewhere in Mississippi. If you look at our tour map HERE, you can see the red markers indicating where we’ve been. What at first appeared as a few pimples in the mid-west, now resembles a fully blown case of measles, spreading slowly across the country. We’re planning on creating a Temperance Movement epidemic!
Iain Graham usually has an interesting way to describe shows and as he appeared backstage after the Orlando show his response was “That was nothing short of breathtaking lads, peoples brains were exploding everywhere!” It was indeed a memorable show. The crowd were fantastic and it was nice to hang out and chat with a few of them at the end of the night.
U.S.A Tour Diary – Moonshine and Margaritas
Time is flying by. It seems like only a couple of days ago that I wrote about New York and yet as I look in Master Tour, I realise that we’ve since done four shows (Raleigh, Charlotte, North Myrtle Beach and Wilmington) and had a day off. Master Tour is our digital tour book that delivers all the information we need regarding travel times, distances, hotel addresses, venues and stage times etc to our iPhones. Iain Graham inputs all of this information when advancing the tour so that he can avoid having to answer the same questions time and time again from five people. Despite this, we still ask him how long a particular drive will be or where we’re going next week and these questions, in turn, are ignored. The only problem with Master Tour is that once a week has elapsed, all information disappears forever as though it had never happened and there is no record of the whole tour. Before the digital age reduced everything to ones and zeros, It was exciting to receive an analogue tour book, neatly spiral bound with real pages and a cover. It would generally be left in a bag and never consulted, prompting endless questions directed at the poor tour manager who’d spent hours putting the book together to avoid the exact same questions but it at least served as a nice souvenir of the tour. I have a collection of them at home from past tours that I occasionally stumble across in the back of my wardrobe and it’s nice to look back on all the places I’ve visited. Master Tour has made everything streamlined and convenient but at the same time, robbed us of memory jogging mementos.
So we’re now well into the Southern states and not only is the weather warm but so is the hospitality. After soundcheck in Raleigh, we found ourselves in the venue car park sat in camping chairs outside a large motor home owned by some fans being served delicious soup from a gigantic cauldron-like cast iron pot and drinking beer. Southern hospitality is so acknowledged that it even has it’s own Wikipedia entry and it does indeed feel like everyone here is genuinely happy to see us and seem to be doing everything they can to make us never want to leave. We’ve even had total strangers come over for a chat whilst re-fuelling at gas stations. From Raleigh we travelled to Charlotte where again we experienced the same friendly welcome and then onto Myrtle Beach. The House of Blues in Myrtle Beach resembles a giant corrugated iron shack and looks like it should contain giant circular saws, rusty meat hooks and other horror film paraphernalia rather than a well equipped music venue. The only external clue to what lies inside this unsettling looking building is the giant neon blue “House of Blues” sign that is possibly visible from the moon. After load-in, we wandered out onto the balcony backstage which overlooked the car park and some fenced off swampland where someone had left a load of logs scattered around by the water; except they weren’t logs, they were alligators! We were right next door to Alligator Adventure, home to hundreds of prehistoric looking reptiles with toothy grins as well as snakes, wolves, parrots and bobcats. I went in to have a look around as I’ve always been fascinated by animals that can either poison or tear you apart. The alligators and crocodiles seemed fairly happy. These mostly sedentary animals were lazing around like sunbathing holiday makers at a resort waiting to be bought poolside cocktails but I have to admit to feeling pretty sorry for the bobcats. They seemed none too happy about being held against their will in too-small cages and stared at by ice-cream eating tourists. The wolves looked a bit pissed off too. I left the Bobcats and Wolves to plan their escape and returned to the House of Blues for soundcheck. This was followed by a big tasty plate of chicken and chorizo gumbolaya which had just enough time to down before stage time.
The next day was the first full day-off we’ve had in the 8 weeks of being out here. “Day off” is a term loosely referring to a day without a gig but can include a drive of up to 400 miles or a bit of radio promo so technically not a “day off”. In North Carolina Beach however, we actually had a proper “day off” which we spent a good portion of being motionless, much like the alligators from the previous day. I actually considered going to buy a skateboard but this was discouraged by concerned band mates envisioning broken wrists so instead, a few of us went to the beach for a nice safe game of late afternoon frisbee. Having worked up a thirst, we adjourned to the poolside bar for a margarita. As we sipped on our refreshing adult beverages, I noticed a storm warning on the television screen behind the bar. As if on cue, the sky grew dark and a jagged flash of lightning cut across the horizon. The barman had just enough time to fix us another round before pulling down his shutters. We retreated to our balcony to watch the storm unfold. After numerous failed attempts to capture a lightning flash on camera, pizzas were ordered in and an almost full complement of Temperance Movement members assembled in room 511 to watch a film.
The storm appeared to have hit the reset button on the weather and we woke the next day to a clear, sunny sky. We made the obligatory coffee stop and were on our way to Wilmington for a headline show at Ziggy’s by the Sea.
The gig was great fun. There wasn’t an overwhelming turnout of people but enough to create the sense that word is starting to spread. It’s early days yet and we have a long way to go before Madison Square Gardens but stick with us, we’re working on it!
So yesterday was another “day off” and although it was one of those ones where we spend 4 hours in the van to do a bit of radio promo, from 3pm onwards, we were free to spend it however we saw fit. It was a glorious sunny day and the obvious thing to do was to head for the beach. Frisbee and high winds generally don’t mix well and after chasing the orange plastic disc up and down the beach for a while, we headed to a Mexican bar/restaurant for some of the best tacos I think we’ve ever eaten, washed down with delicious cold beer. The idea then was that we’d head back to our hotel, watch an episode of Game of Thrones and get an early night. This is not exactly how the evening panned out. Our hotel was not the finest establishment we’ve stayed in on this tour. The first indication of this when we checked in was the bulletproof glass between us and the girl on reception. Either the building was formerly a bank, or the staff of the hotel felt the need to protect themselves from the clientele. When entering the rooms, it became apparent that we were not in the Four Seasons. I called reception to enquire as to how I might open the windows to allow some non-stale air into the room, and the short reply that came back was “they ain’t opening!” It was a statement, not a question. The one thing it did have going for it was the large expanse of grass outside the rooms – perfect for frisbee! All was going to plan until Ian Graham bought out a jar of peach moonshine that had been given to us the night before. A few swigs of this convinced us that it would be a much better idea to go into town and find a bar than get an early night. One Über ride later and we were getting stuck into the first but by no means last margarita of the evening. It was in this bar that we discovered the greatest game ever known to man – shuffleboard! Our self imposed curfew came and went as we got totally absorbed in a shuffleboard tournament of epic proportion. The more we drank, the better we seemed to become at this game and I think I finally found my calling in life – a professional shuffleboard player!
When the tournament had finally reached it’s thrilling climax, we returned to our high security hotel, not to go to bed, but to play margarita and moonshine fuelled midnight frisbee on the floodlit grass outside…then we watched Game of Thrones. At least I think we did!
U.S.A Tour Diary – Ohio to New York
I thought it only happened in films where the hapless traveller (probably played by John Candy or Steve Martin) would check into a hotel in desperate need of a good nights rest only to find that his room overlooks a rail track and every half an hour, a massive freight train comes thundering past the window shaking all the pictures off the walls – Well it happens at the Comfort Inn in St Clairsville, Ohio. It was actually pretty amusing when at sometime after midnight just as myself and Phil were settling in our beds and all was quiet, a train announced its arrival with a comically loud blast of it’s horn and for a seemingly endless amount of time, rumbled past our window, it’s brakes squealing like a thousand nails down a blackboard. This was the first of many. No amount of freight trains could keep me awake though and i drifted off to sleepy town.
U.S.A Tour Diary Double Bill Pt.2
I generally try to stay upbeat about things in this tour diary. No-one wants to read a whinging account of how hard it is to be away from home and how much driving we have to do or how the free hotel internet is never fast enough to steam Netflix. Boo-hoo, our lives are so tough! Seriously, things are going great for us over here and we’re having a brilliant time. We’re living the dream!
Saying that however, occasionally the mood in the van dips slightly below euphoria and yesterday morning was was of those times. It could have been that the weather needed to cheer itself up a bit or that we’d just run out of fun for the time being. The only person who seemed to be having a good time was the crazy crack lady outside Starbucks. Nobody could have predicted the amazing transformation the day was to undergo.
We were due to perform at a craft beer and fine wine shop at lunchtime. Karen had warned us that it could be a strange one and that we’d be perfectly within our rights to give her an “Artie Fufkin” ass-kicking if it all backfired. Even the guy from DC101, the radio station we’d be performing for was waiting outside with the disclaimer that “This is a bit weird. We’ve never tried this before so I don’t know how it will go down”. I replied that we’d done a gig in a Sushi restaurant in Örebro, Sweden and it doesn’t get much weirder than that – we’d be fine. As we stood in the shop surrounded by shelves of craft beer, the staff of DC101 and a few random customers, I must admit that it did feel a little odd. It was like a blind date where both parties are feeling slightly awkward and neither is sure which way it’s going to go. Will we find that we really have nothing in common and go our separate ways forever or, will we just get stuck into this craft beer and become lifelong soulmates? It was most definitely the latter.
We sang a few songs in this unlikeliest of settings and everybody began to relax. This was the point at which the day began to get better and better. I couldn’t help noticing that Phil had been a little restrained and not quite himself. The reason for this became apparent when a cake was bought out for him organised by his wife, Charlie. It was their first anniversary and understandably, Phil was feeling pretty bad about being away for this. Even I felt a little choked up at the appearance of the cake which received a big cheer from the room and completely turned Phil’s day around.
On top of this, Karen came over looking like she was about to cry tears of joy to announce that DC101 – possibly the biggest station in the U.S. for active and mainstream rock had just added us to their playlist and were right behind us. This was huge! The atmosphere in Gillys Craft Beer and Fine Wine became celebratory and we toasted this happy union with our new friends. I’d liked to have spent all day there sampling beers and eating cheese and olives but we had a show to get to and so bid a fond farewell and left, taking with us a box full of sandwiches and gourmet chocolate! Thank you to DC101 and Gilly’s for a brilliant time.
To quote Iain Graham, the show that night at the Silver Spring Fillmore was nothing short of devastating. After walking out to Phil and Charlie’s special tune, we smashed out a couple of new songs and even the old ones seemed to take on a whole new energy. For 40 minutes, we felt invincible. From the day’s underwhelming start to its euphoric climax – we left Silver Spring with Phil proclaiming it “The greatest day ever!”









